we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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