Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
