Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
