I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
