I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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