Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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