everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
