he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
