Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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