I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
