i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
