i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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