therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
