i need an iv and a liver transplant
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just invented taco cereal.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
