Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
