Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
