I can text with my tongue
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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