My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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