I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
