My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
