remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
