I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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