dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
