dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
