like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
