Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
