please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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