You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
