I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
