Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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