why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
