I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
