just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
