Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
