Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
thus making me awesome and them whores
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
