Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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