you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
