guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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