Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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