How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
