her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
