were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
