I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
