Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I am morally bankrupt
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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