a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
