I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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