I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
