1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
