thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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