This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i now understand why vodka
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
